What I've Always Wanted

You all know the story. Every little girl is obsessed with horses when she is little and if she is still obsessed as she grows then it's meant to be.

You remember throwing coins into a water fountain? Remember the wish you made before you blew out the candles? I remember every single one- because they were all the same.

"I wish I had a horse".

Every time. And even still.

My sister Erika and I are still obsessed. To the core. Of all the rediculous and absurd things I want to do, horses are, and always will be what I want more than anything. If you're like me, and you don't know who Joe Camp is, then you need to read his book the soul of a horse. It changed everything.

A few months ago I had to make a decision. Probably the biggest one I ever made. When I got my new job last summer I was making a lot more money than I ever had, enough to change things, change the way I lived. It became a choice between moving out of my mother's house, and adopting/buying a horse. I went back and forth in my head constantly. I remember the night I decided it was a horse that I wanted. Matt will witness to my behavior that night. I'd only been that excited and high like that one other time in my life and I'm not about to compare a horse to the Holy Spirit of God, but I'll just say that I was crack happy. I couldn't stop giggling and screaming and making dinosaur noises... like the whole night. Then I read Joe's book, and I realized what I had to do. He made me see things through the eyes of a horse, something I'd never done, never seen, never been taught. And it made me see that where I am right now, won't do for a horse. I want to give my future friend my very best, and that's not my life right now. I don't have what it takes... yet.

I'm by no means giving up my dream, it just means that I'm willing to do it right, and not make sacrifices.